One of the thing’s i find myself battling a lot is my happiness. And i think this is just one of those things that come with motherhood. Almost all the time you are putting everyone else’s needs before your own, and even then very little recognize it. I’ve alway’s been pretty okay with putting people before me, because if i can help. I will. No matter who or what it is, if i can help i will.

But what makes it so much harder when it comes to your own kids and your own family, you don’t ever really get to have that time for the things you need or what todo. Because being a parent is a full time job. And i don’t think people always understand how that can take a toll on people in different ways.

For example i don’t mind the sleepless nights, i don’t mind the never ending amounts of laundry, I don’t mind the constant dirty diapers or bottles to be made, I don’t mind the cries and whines. Everything that comes with motherhood has always been pretty easy for me. But the one thing i do battle with a lot is my independence, or my happiness. Now when i say that i mean, finding time for myself. Spending that little bit of money on my children or something for the house, instead of for me. Never getting to take shower alone. Or even being able to sit in the other room for five minutes without everything failing apart.

I often wonder if this is something i have to workout on my own or if it is a problem because of the other parent in the house. I already struggle with not being able to be a normal 19 year old, but on top of that barely ever doing anything for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, i love being a mother and i would do it all over again. But i don’t know where the balance to all that is or how i would even find it. I don’t mind doing a lot of the work, i don’t mind being the main caregiver. I don’t mind being the one putting their needs or wants last or being the one everyone always needs. But is there ever a break?

Let’s say i do, find a day where i get to go the store a lone or something of that nature. I get absolute crap for it. For taking to long, for the baby being to fussy, or whatever it may be. I have yet to have a moment truly to myself. Truly peaceful and relaxing, without being made to feel guilty for it.

So to all the mommas that have been in my place, or are in my place, what did you do to help? What are you doing to help? How can i enjoy myself a little bit? Is it just me?