Balancing Motherhood With Teenage Years???

Most people use this reason as one of the excuses as to why you shouldn’t have children as such a young age. Having a child as a teen is a very difficult thing. Not only are you figuring yourself out and living your life, you are bringing a whole life in to the world as well and it’s not always easy to balance those two things. But just because it is hard doesn’t mean it can’t be done.

When i first found out i was pregnant i stopped doing “teenager” things immediately, i wasn’t hanging out with friends or going out. And some of that reason was because i was so sick. But also, when i became pregnant i got a lot of judgement. My confidence sank and i was just completely upset with myself. I wasn’t completely comfortable going out. When people first found out, i had a lot of congratulations and what not. After it settled in and everyone knew, i lost a lot of friends. I started to see the real side of people. That also really hurt me.

I started relying so much on my boyfriend i really felt like i lost my independence and what made me, me. I lived everyday waiting to go to Dr. appointments for the baby and buying clothes for the baby and eating right for the baby. Allowing my body to change and hurt for the baby. Everything about me, was no longer just about me. And once you start to realize that, you start to understand you are no longer a kid. You are an adult, with real responsibilities. Once that bond began, i no longer cared that i wasn’t living that teen life. Of course i had my bad nights where i would get sad and feel left out. But there was never a time, i felt unloved or unneeded. I never second guess my son. And then after so long in my pregnancy i got so uncomfortable i didn’t or couldn’t do anything anyway.

Right after my son was born was when it became really hard for me and my son’s father to find a good balance. Unfortunately that road was more difficult for us to follow, it had it’s bad turns and up’s and down’s. But after a lot of love, and forgiveness. A lot of compassion and understanding, we finally began to find that middle ground.

It’s hard to give up what everyone else is doing, it’s hard to sit back and accept a life style that is so drastically different from the one you know. But change is enviable, and it will always happen. It’s much easier to accept it with open arms, than trying to fight it. And when you go through something so life changing, such as, having a child. You really start to see the purpose in life. Or at least i did.

So to all my teen parent’s finding it hard to feel like a parent and a teen at the same time. There IS a balance, but it can only be found by YOU. And it’ll only happen properly when you have your priorities in place. Know that no matter what age you are, what you have and haven’t experienced, that your kid(s) should always come first. There will be days for you, but put your kids first.

There is no excuse. And yes, every parent deserves some time to themselves. I would never judge a parent for needing a little break. But take that with caution. I really hope that no matter what changes in the world, that people will stop being so hard on parent’s for wanting or needing a break for themselves. Especially teen parents.

Cold Feet? Or Low Self-esteem?

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I just started this blogging thing not to long ago, but I like everyone else blogging, I love to write. I have countless stories I have saved away, countless journals and books full of thoughts and stories. Opinions and conversations. I just, love to write.

I find I write a lot on my blog, but almost all of those stories end up in my drafts. Which is fine. Some of them might not be done, or were typed with 100% effort. So I wouldn’t post them anyway, I wouldn’t post anything I felt wasn’t 100% of my effort. I know I lack some grammatical details, and just the flow of a real writer but I still enjoy it and I like to think someone out there is enjoying it as well.

I write the most when something has just happened, or when a flush of emotions about something comes over me. I feel that is the best time to really express myself. But even then, a lot of those stories end up in my drafts.

I made this blog to help me, to be an outlet for myself. And yet I wonder if maybe I’m not comfortable enough on the page to post my true feelings for the world to see. Maybe that’s normal, but I wish that wasn’t the case.

Or maybe I love writing but I’m just not cut out for it. Everyone has their hobby maybe this just isn’t mine. Who knows.

I wish we lived in a less judgmental world. But wishing won’t do much, right.

Self-esteem is such a strong thing, confidence holds so much power. And it’s funny that even behind a screen I’m scared to always be completely vulnerable.

The Problem With Sex Ed

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As a kid, I moved around a lot. So I got to see a lot of different schools, in different states. As well as how they all did programs differently.

At one of the schools I attended to longer than the others, they had a sex ed program in middle school called “Smart Girls.” Immediately that name is kinda offensive, you can be completely educated about sex and pregnancy but still get pregnant. To me it implies that if you get pregnant you aren’t smart. But what was really just so contradicting about this class, she really only talked about absence, STI’s and sometimes “The Pill.” Never did she talk about what could happen if you got pregnant or how you even really get pregnant.

Where this school is, is a very small, religious town. So it’s normal to hear about the Christian life style. Everyone Is very opinionated, and that’s fine. But you can’t be close-minded as teacher, especially when you teaching something like this to middle schoolers.

It was always “Don’t have sex. Sex before marriage is bad.” Which I can somewhat agree with, I am a Christian myself so I understand it. But you cannot preach, sex is bad, without talking about what sex really is.

And you have to assume not everyone believes the same things you do. I had sex before marriage, but I am Christian. So to force your beliefs on someone, is very unchristian like . Now obviously in middle school, when talking about stuff like this it was easier for us to just sit and listen. Because you don’t really have that independence to question the teacher or tell them you don’t really agree with what they teach, like you do in high school or college.

She made a lot of the girls in that class scared to talk about their experiences or if they were having sex or even just ask a question because it was such a sin. And personally that’s where she went wrong in a lot of our lives. Teachers are very impactful to young kids, especially when it comes to stuff like this. So you have to make sure what you are teaching is correct in the eyes of everyone, not just yourself.

Now a year later, I ended up moving to a bigger city and attending a bigger, more diverse school. And in Physical Ed, as a freshman you were required to take a Sex Ed class. Now I don’t really remember talking a whole lot about ‘sex’, so I assume they had some kind of program in their middle school as well. Because once you got to high school, they really talked about babies. And what drug and alcohol abuse can do to a unborn child. Then they gave you a fake baby to take care of for a weekend.

So I went from, “sex is bad” to “heres a baby don’t do drugs while pregnant”. So you can see where it can be very confusing for people, or hard for people to really understand that concept. I didn’t truly know how a woman body worked until I got pregnant, and went to all those Dr. appointment and then gave birth. And I believe that is something we should be teaching boys and girls about. Because once you have sex, that is the real reality.

Now I’m not talking about “what your parents should tell you,” because a lot of kids don’t have their parents to talk to them about this stuff. A lot of kids rely on school for a lot of things, and I think this being a life changing situation you should be able to count on schools to at least at some point talk about it. Now obviously I can’t speak for every school, but I do know there are faults in a lot of them. And I’ve read a lot of stories about teen moms and how they were never properly educated. They didn’t think that having sex one time, or having sex for only 5 minutes could be enough to get you pregnant when in reality that’s all it can take.

A problem we have as humans in this society, we are so quick to judge. We are so quick to defend that what we believe is right and it doesn’t matter because you are wrong. When that’s such an awful thing todo. No one, very rarely anyone will think exactly the way you do. Just be mindful of others, you never know what they’ve been through until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. And even most of the time, that’s not enough to understand the life of someone else.

When I found out I was pregnant at 17!

  • DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT condone teen pregnancy in anyway! If you are having sex at a young age, be careful and safe. DO NOT, go intentionally get pregnant as a teen. I am only sharing my story.

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When I was 17, I was dating this guy, we had known each other since we were kids and had been dating for a while. We lived about 45 minutes apart, but we were constantly driving back and forth whenever we could. I think every young relationship is special or fun at that age, but there will always be at least one you will always hold close to your heart. And for me, it was this one.

We were careful, but I was not on birth control. I’ve never reacted good towards birth control, it always made me sick, or overly hormonal and I am just not a fan. I don’t always feel it is the woman’s responsibility to make sure they are on birth control. Now I got a lot of crap when people in my boyfriends family found out I was pregnant, an that I hadn’t been on birth control. But I’ve never really cared, because it is my body. And I knowingly take the responsibility of what could come of that (a baby), I’ve always felt that way. Call me old fashioned.

It was the day after Christmas, the day after my missed period. I took a pregnancy test because it seemed like a better idea than just waiting for a period that was never going to come. It was positive! I just started crying, which I feel is a normal reaction. I called my sons father and told him, he didn’t seem upset which you would think an 18 year old boy would be. He however, was not. He promised me that I would never have todo it a lone. And comforted me the best he could over the phone.

After that phone call, he came and got me so we could talk about it In person. And one of our main worries was how we would tell our parents. Since I was with him, we eventually decided to tell his parents first.

This night was already a bad night. Originally my sons father told me I could stay with him. So I didn’t have my car with me to drive home and it was almost midnight, I knew if I went home in the middle of the night I would not only worry my parents but wake everyone in the house up and they would be mad at me. So going home was never an option in my mind. Well, his parent’s wanted me to go home that night. My sons father was not okay with that, him knowing I was pregnant he didn’t want us to be so far away from each other for to long. There was a lot of arguing over the phone, eventually it came down to having to tell his dad over text, because he was declining all the calls. Now at some point before all this, he did tell his mom. But I really can’t remember that, that well, but she already knew prior to this day. And knew while all this was going on, but wanted us to wait to tell his father when he was in a better mood. So she was not happy he told his dad that night, and over the phone.

Eventually they said just come home, we did. She yelled at us for what seemed like hours. I just cried. Then I became scared, that I was putting to much stress on the baby. And yes, that is dangerous for baby! So I kinda told her, I was done listening. And that was that. They not shortly after fell in love with their grandson!

A day or two later, we went to tell my parents. I was so nervous, because my moms opinion means the world to me. And the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint her. We all sat down in my bedroom and told her, she was so calm. She pretty much just said “Okay, well what are you going todo?” I was so confused but relieved at the same time. She said, “It’s your life, these are your adult decisions.” Moral of this, my family was much easier to tell. And everyone accepted it with open arms.

I am now engaged to my sons father and we have our own house working on making our lives better everyday. I wanted to share my story because when I became pregnant the most comforting thing was being able to read and to watch teen moms on Youtube talk about their experience. Being a teen mom, doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Being a teen mom isn’t something to be ashamed of. It is not easy by any means, but if I had the opportunity to change anything, I wouldn’t. Now not every love story ends happily and its even harder for teen parents, so don’t read any story and think it’s all sunshine and rainbows because that’s far from the case. But don’t be scared, and don’t feel like your life is over. Enjoy your pregnancy and your child, because some women will never get to.

-Morgan

My Beginning!

Hello everyone! Before I really jumped into starting my blog, I felt I should put a little bit more about me and why I decided to start this blog.

I am a teen mother, a stay at home mom, as well as a student. Throughout the day things get hard, somedays can be harder than others and it’s good to have an outlet. I want to be able to be a place for teen mothers or pregnant teens to go to if they resort to the internet for help. Because the things we find on the internet aren’t always helpful or true. In this case, everything I talk about will be from my personal experience as well as the things that I’ve learned as a mother.

Don’t feel like you have no one to go to, because there is always someone! I really hope this goes as planned and helps as many struggling teens or mothers as possible. I am just now getting the hang of this ‘blog’ thing, so I really hope you decide to join along and follow this journey with me!

-Morgan